When God Brings Redemption

Dad's Visit

I took my Dad to the airport to send him on his way a couple of weeks ago after he came to visit, and something remarkable happened. As he walked through the security check and gave me one last goodbye wave, I turned around to walk away and I started to cry. I cried, because I already missed him and I honestly didn't want him to go.

This is a feeling I've never had toward my father before. In my whole life up until now I would have never been sad to see him go. In fact, I would feel relief. So let me back up a bit and tell you happened that let up to that.

Dad visited us for almost three weeks. He went everywhere with me. If I went to campus, he went with me. If I was leading a Bible study, he came with me. We took a two day trip together simply for the sake of having an adventure. My Dad and I had never taken a two day trip together before this. Somewhere along the lines several conversations took place that allowed God's redemption to find it's way in the middle of our relationship.

I brought up a soccer game I had when I was in third grade. In this game I had scored a few goals, and played hard, only to be scolded later for playing like a sissy. After thirty minutes of his lecture about the way I played I was angry, and hurt. I turned to him and said, "I hate you." For a third grade kid that was very bold. It truly was the way I felt. Dad turned back to me right after I said that and said, "Well, then you are not my son."

Every since that day our relationship has been different. I have never felt liked by my Dad, only judged and looked down upon. But, one afternoon while on our 2 day adventure, that all changed. Dad, listened to me as I retold this story and he started to cry. He said, "I can't to anything to make what I did right, but I want you to know that I'm sorry and that it hurts me to know that you are still affected by what I said to you. I'm sorry."

He didn't try to reason away why he might have talked to a 8 year old boy like that. He hurt and was sorry.

The rest of our trip mirrored that conversation. We talked about all kinds of things including his divorce, my marriage, raising kids and so on. Nothing was off limits and for the first time I felt totally accepted by my Dad. The feeling is amazing.

I would never have thought that in my lifetime my dad and I would be reconciled like this. This has been such a great example of what God's redemption is like. He came not just to redeem our sin, but the effects of our sin as well. Not just the act, but the feelings of hurt and sadness that act caused.

So, this is a letter of praise. Praise God, for what he did in my relationship with my dad this last month. He is so good.

Since

tossed about at sea

James 5:16

2:30 AM

Brothers,

There's a passage in Ephesians 4 I just read that talks about infants that are tossed back and forth by waves and blown around by every wind... I feel like that.

The Outside Cost:

These past 3 months in Asia have been my most difficult yet. Leaders around me have said it's normal, just "transition." I know transition and the awkwardness it brings of not knowing where my home is. I've felt that before. I know struggle to adapt to a new place all the while knowing that I'm being affected and changed by the culture around me.

Having a child born here has been hard. He is well taken care of, but where are his grandparents? Will he ever know who they are? Will they ever know how him?

My wife is alone. The only company she gets is our helper hired for a few bucks an hour twice a week, and she can't even communicate with her. I venture unwelcome to the lost university students during the day and come back home to find her where I left her, caring for my son... Alone.

Our landlord seems to have decided recently that he wants to sell our apartment. This means we will probably get kicked out of our 1 year lease on his place if it sells. Several people have come by lately wanting a showing.

The streets are not lined with gold on the mission field brothers. The struggle is real and it hurts badly. I know Jesus is worth it and I have no intention of quitting. But, I feel like I will go to my death tomorrow for the sake of the gospel. Just like I did yesterday and the day before that.

The Inside Cost:

My desires, intentions, goals, comforts, and name have died in coming here again. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but the pruning of the selfishness, self-love, pride, and self-trust hurts. I really wish this sanctification process could feel better right now.

I look at myself and look at the kind of man that I want to be, and evaluate the kind of man I am and I wonder if this abyss will ever be bridged. I still mostly love my name more than Jesus' name. I still don't worship him in a way that he deserves. I still try to earn his love one QT, one Gospel Presentation, one act of kindness at a time.

I believe he is changing me. In fact in the past 8 years of walking with him, I've seen the change. Perhaps you have too. But it's hard to find joy in that while day by day I keep seeing how awful my sin problem really is.

I've complained about and criticized my leaders and fellow brothers and sisters in ways that make me want to throw up.

I truly need Jesus more than anyone I know.

Pray for me.

I know that my thoughts here have errors, but I want to be healed from the poison that is somehow still in me.

In Love,

leadership

3 Qualities of a leader:

gives adequate resources

provides clear direction

points people to christ

If God Changed, Would He Be God? Or A Fraud?

book:  The Evolution of God

In this book Robert Wright makes the claim that ever since we were tribal, Neanderthal people until now, the concept of God has been changing.  For example, as we become more kind and loving, our view of God becomes more kind and loving.

There is a major difference though, between God changing and our view and understanding of God changing.  As a kid, my understanding of who God was extremely small.  Year by year though, my view of Him enlarges and I am able to understand him more completely and accurately.  And, by the way, there is no solid proof that we were Neanderthals, only some guesses. 

The bottom line is that God doesn't change, he is constant.

Another amazing truth about God is that he is known.  Certainly there is mystery in God, but he has actually revealed to us a bit about who he is.

God is active, good, wise, personal, merciful, and liberal in mercy, love and grace.  God is just, powerful, and he doesn't require anything outside of himself to exist.

This is obviously an incomplete list.  However, this list is true.  In the Bible it is incredible easy to find multiple examples of God acting in each of these attributes.  The mind blowing reality is that, unlike us, God is able to be 100% of all of His attributes.   For us, when we are angry, often times we aren't able to love much.  However, God, as the definition of perfection, is able to stay true to who he is.  In other words, he would be a liar if he described himself as as caring, but there was ever a moment where he didn't actually care about your issues.  If that were ever to happen, he wouldn't actually be God... he would be a fraud.

Why does this matter?  It matters because how you understand God will effect not only how you live, but it will directly effect what happens with you after you die.  

If you understand the kind of compassion that God has, you will understand how to mimic that and show others compassion.  More importantly though, if you understand his heart behind the things he has done, you will make a more informed decision about whether or not you will worship Him, or not.  And, the decision about whether to worship God with your life or not, is the biggest decision you will ever make.  

For 1 example of who God is, Read Exodus 34: 4-8

Take note of where the words Compassionate, Gracious, and Forgiving are used.

Joseph, how righteousness is worn. When God says now will you still pray?

The themes of Joseph's life

1)  Joseph's Righteousness

Joseph:

never complained

cared for his family  Genesis 42:21-22

Potiphar trusted Him

Potiphar's wife tempted him and he fled!  Genesis 39:7 39:9  "how could I do this thing and sin against God?"

Back in Jail, he isn't seeking credit for himself  40:8 he gives it to God

"It is not me, God will give pharaoh a favorable answer"

After Jacob's death he tells his brothers, "God is in control, he has put me here, I will take care of you." Gen 45:7 paraphrase

What is a time you gave credit to God?  What is a time you gave credit to yourself?

2)  God's sovereignty

God had a plan in making the cup bearer forget Joseph for 2 years.

Why did God make the Israelites live in the Desert for 400 years?

One reason is because of the sins of the Ammorites.  Deut 9:5

Sin building upon sin.  

When we don't see fruit, and it seems like the wicked are overcoming, God is in control  (It would have been frustrating to be praying for salvation from the desert and not get an answer for 400 years.)

What are some times where God's sovereignty has been apparent in your life?

3)  God uses affliction/persecution to bring salvation

Suffering is seen all throughout scripture/life (Isaiah 57)

Acts 14:21-22 "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God"

2 Tim 3:12

2 Cor 4:17

There is a reward to all for all of this...  Jesus, face to face.

2009 meaningful phrases to remember

"Be Strong and Courageous to do what God wants you to"  Joshua 1:9

VISITOR

In whatever you have experienced of God, there is more.

It is not your money.

"The man who runs after Christ aims unceasingly at the cross; abounding every hurdle until obtaining the resurrection"

It seems like whenever we think we have the key to the Christian walk, God changes the lock.  Oh the mysteries of God.  We will never graduate.

Am I showing up to meet with God?

God truly loves and absolutely accepts me.  And I love him too.

Evil Dreams... But Revealing?

Men of faith,

Last night I had one of the most disturbing dreams of my life.  And the way I woke up from the dream was even more terrifying.

The dream started out with my Dad, my wife, and I spending time at his house.  I was definitely feeling stressed whenever I was around my Dad, but at first, everything was basically normal.

In a moment everything changed.  Dad became angry and started being violent.  He wasn't swinging punches but I remember feeling like he could have.  

As I stepped back to take a look at what was happening and I noticed that there was another woman in his life.  Maybe he remarried, I wasn't sure.  We drove a truck that had a trailer attached to it as if we were wanting to load something up.

Dad quickly became tired and decided to go lie down.  While he did this my wife and I were in a frantic hurry to load up some furniture and get out of there as quickly as possible.  At this point I realized that once we left his house, we wouldn't have any plans of seeing him again.  We really were afraid.

Once all the furniture we wanted was on the trailer, we ran to the truck as fast as we could.  Immediately Dad jumped out of nowhere with a chainsaw and started swinging it at me.  He took three or four giant swings with the thing roaring and puffing smoke and almost got me.  I somehow made it to the truck, jumped in and drove down the driveway as fast as possible.  Dad chased us with a fury in his eyes that I had never seen before.

Even still, I had a sickening thought that although he was trying to cut me with a chainsaw, he wouldn't want to kill me...  right?  "He didn't really want to hurt me," I thought.

My wife asked me what we should do and I told her that we needed to go back to our house, load up everything we had space for, and leave for good.  I remember thinking that there was a possibility that we would come to our house, and that I would have to shoot him to defend my family.

The dream ends.

I woke up, and nothing was different.  I wasn't dripping sweat like I have during other less life-threatening dreams.  I rolled over to my wife and told her I had a bad dream, and that was the end of it.  I wasn't bothered at all that a sick dream like this had just found it's way in my head.

The bottom line here fellas, is that I know for certain that I am afraid of my Dad.  I haven't talked to him for almost 2 weeks, although I have tried calling him several times- leaving a message every time.  I'm afraid that he will yell at me, put me down, or take me on a guilt trip.

For You:

I'm not sure if there is more that I should be thinking about with this sick dream, maybe you can point something out if it seems obvious to you that I'm missing something here.  But please take a moment and pray for me to be able to live in freedom and not fear in my relationship with my Dad.

Thank you so much.

By the way, I met with a Christian Psychologist that works at the Reformed Theological Seminary and told him a few things about my family.  He asked me some specific questions about my dad.  After I told him that my Dad has told me, on more that one occasion, that I owe him for what he has sacrificed for me and that I need to "get his back" with everything going on with the divorce, he told with absolute certainty, "In all my 20 years of counseling, I have never heard a Father say that to his Son.  I can say with confidence as a professional that your Dad is mentally ill.